Unspeakable horror! Mutant nightmares! Eldritch evil! Alexandrian witchcraft! Nicolas Cage gleefully picking tomatoes and peaches off of the vine! Continue reading
Filed under Movie Reviews …
“Able to Do Anything Post-MCU, Robert Downey Jr. Chooses ‘Dolittle'”
What’s a man do to when he has all the money in the world plus a rehabilitated image as Marvel’s greatest hero? He does little. Very, very little. Continue reading
“VHYes Rewinds to Pre-Smartphone Era of Self-Recording”
In which one kid’s personal apocalypse is ushered in through his own obsession with recording his every stupid move. Continue reading
“‘The Sonata’ Hits One Great Note and Misplays the Rest”
Andy had hopes for this movie, but it turns out it’s so not-a good. Continue reading
“‘Clemency’ Examines the Toll State-Sanctioned Murder Takes on Both Sides of the Bars”
Abolish the death penalty. Continue reading
“No Album Left Behind: Michaela Anne’s ‘Desert Dove'”
It’s never too late to take a minute and jot down some thoughts about one of 2019’s best country records, y’know. Continue reading
“‘Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker’ Falls Under the Weight Of Its Own Franchising”
Good morning everyone! Let’s get popular on the Internet. Continue reading
“‘Bombshell’ Is An Oversanitized Mess — And A Missed Opportunity”
There are only so many ways that I, personally, can imagine screwing this movie up, and Jay Roach screws it up in all those ways plus others. Continue reading
“Baumbach’s Marriage Story Mines Both Truth And Excess”
“It’s tough being the one guy with an unflattering take on the movie everyone loves,” said the one guy with an unflattering take on the movie everyone loves, finding the strength to move on against all odds. Continue reading
“Little Joe Could Use Pruning, But Chills Anyway”
Warning: Lots of gardening and botany puns ahead. Continue reading
“Time and the Female Gaze Combine to Wither the Soul in ‘The Irishman'”
There’s nothing more that Andy likes in this world than getting in the last word, except for Martin Scorsese movies. He likes those way more. But why not both! Continue reading
“‘Frozen 2’s’ Themes Become Darker Even as the Kid Gloves Stay On”
Hell yeah, a grown-ass man beating up on the adorable kids film, because my HEART is COLD as ICE. Continue reading
“Corporations Triumph Over Cars in Ford v Ferrari”
Vroom vroom zoom zoom beep beep screech crash bang boom man emotions vroooooom manly slap fight zip zip zap Continue reading
“In Charlie’s Angels the Cast Is Having More Fun than You Will”
This is a movie, but also the epitome of a blockbusting year spent making overdetermined, obnoxious , totally disingenuous proclamations of feminine heroism. Continue reading
“In Synonyms, the Search for Identity Does Not Lead to the Same Destination as the Search for Happiness”
Quick, find a word that means something similar to “this is a real gosh darn good movie.” Continue reading
Review: Greener Grass, 2019, dir. Jocelyn DeBoer & Dawn Luebbe
And you thought my obsession with “Lemon” was a sign of twisted character! Continue reading
“Mister America Is A Mockumentary That Feels Unsettlingly Real”
Not the Noah Baumbach movie starring Lola Kirke and Greta Gerwig, but rather the grimy, unpleasant, ultimately hilarious big-screen version of a Tim Heidecker and Greg Turkington bit. Continue reading
“‘The Day Shall Come’ And The Myth Of The Black Nationalist Terrorist”
The day shall come! In fact, it already came! It’s done. It’s gone. You missed it. What the hell, why weren’t you paying attention for the day. Continue reading
“‘Memory: The Origins of Alien’ Bears Abiding Fondness For A Sci-Fi Legend”
And now, we go back in time to an era of peak crime and the year of Three Mile Island, Voyager I and Jupiter’s rings, space shuttle orbiter Columbia, and the Iran hostage crisis; also the year of “Alien.” Coincidence? Probably. Continue reading
“The Death of Dick Long Might Be So Profane It’s Profound”
I have exactly less than no idea how to talk about this movie without giving away its dark, disgusting, hilarious secrets. Continue reading
