Filed under Movie Reviews

Review: Kill Switch, 2017, dir. Tim Smit

Review: Kill Switch, 2017, dir. Tim Smit


I’m a man with an iron stomach, but even I came close to blowing chunks during stretches of Hardcore Henry, so the idea of taking on another film shot through a first-person perspective might make me sound amnesic. But Kill Switch isn’t Hardcore Henry, not simply for lack of gratuitous violence (and gratuitous Sharlto Copley performances) but for … Continue reading

Review: Dean, 2017, dir. Demetri Martin

Review: Dean, 2017, dir. Demetri Martin


Every single damn time I talk about Dean, Demetri Martin’s directorial debut, I check and double check and quadra-check my work to make sure I do not accidentally refer to him as “Dean Martin.” That’s not a nice thing to do, Demetri Martin. It’s not a nice thing to do at all. Anyways: Dean is out in … Continue reading

Review: Alien: Covenant, 2017, dir. Ridley Scott

Review: Alien: Covenant, 2017, dir. Ridley Scott


First thing’s first: Here’s the link to my review of Alien: Covenant at Paste Magazine. Second thing’s, uh, second: Spoilers. I have to get some shit off my chest after the baffling defenses mounted in the film’s favor by some of the most respected names in contemporary film criticism, mostly because their defenses hinge on the … Continue reading

Review: Take Me, 2017, dir. Pat Healy

Review: Take Me, 2017, dir. Pat Healy


I’m not sure I should be reviewing things that Taylor Schilling does. We were classmates in middle school. If objectivity matters in criticism (it doesn’t, but legions of DCEU fans think it does, and who am I to overlook them in discussion of a film that has fucking nothing to do with the DCEU, right?), … Continue reading

Review: The Drowning, 2017, dir. Bette Gordon

Review: The Drowning, 2017, dir. Bette Gordon


Guys! I’m back! I made it home! I survived vacation! (TL;DR version of my vacation: We went to Vienna, Prague, Aberystwyth, and London, and now we’re all horribly jet lagged.) That means I have a whole lot of stuff to plop in your laps for your reading pleasure, and of course it would be pleasurable, wouldn’t it? We’ll … Continue reading

Review: Gilbert, 2017, dir. Neil Berkeley

Review: Gilbert, 2017, dir. Neil Berkeley


I wasn’t at this year’s Tribeca Film Festival, but that didn’t stop me from writing a review about Gilbert, Neil Berkeley’s very good documentary about the one and only Gilbert Gottfried, the guy you probably know best as the voice of an angry parrot in the Aladdin movies (or the erstwhile voice of an exasperated duck in Aflac … Continue reading

Review: Obit, 2017, dir. Vanessa Gould

Review: Obit, 2017, dir. Vanessa Gould


Well, how about that? Obit, a film about The New York Times‘ obituaries desk, is as entertaining and informative as it is profound. I liked it! I had a good time with it! I was not overwhelmed by morbidity while watching it, mostly because the film is as far from morbid as a film about death can … Continue reading

Review: Slack Bay, 2017, dir. Bruno Dumont

Review: Slack Bay, 2017, dir. Bruno Dumont


You know what? Normally I’d write a spiel here, but Slack Bay is kind of hard to give spiel to. It’s weird. It’s fucking weird, even, which is my impolite way of saying that it doesn’t fit easily into any category or genre. Basically, it’s Looney Tunes on France’s northern coast wrapped up in a comedy of manners … Continue reading

Review: The Ticket, 2017, dir. Ido Fluk

Review: The Ticket, 2017, dir. Ido Fluk


That Dan Stevens sure is handsome, isn’t he? He’s also ubiquitous. He’s all up in the everywhere. He’s on Legion. He’s in Beauty and the Beast. He’s in Nacho Vigalondo’s excellent new film Colossal. He’s also in The Ticket, Ido Fluk’s new film, which isn’t “excellent” but also isn’t “terrible,” either. It’s a little too specific for its own good. … Continue reading

Review: The Discovery, 2017, dir. Charlie McDowell

Review: The Discovery, 2017, dir. Charlie McDowell


I really liked Charlie McDowell’s The One I Love, so imagine my disappointment when I watched The Discovery and found that it’s a pile of reluctant, hedging, self-doubting faux-spiritual feel-good nonsense. (“Feel-good” might be a stretch, but boy, the movie bends over backwards to get in as many cheap hugs as possible.) I didn’t hate it, but … Continue reading

Review: Prevenge, 2017, dir. Alice Lowe

Review: Prevenge, 2017, dir. Alice Lowe


“A 7 months pregnant woman starts murdering the people involved in her partner’s death because her unborn baby tells her to.” That’s Prevenge in summation. In my mind, there’s an alternate dimension where the film attached to that summation is just a winking, nudging, overly self-aware video nasty, and it’s probably fun but too insistent on … Continue reading