The day shall come! In fact, it already came! It’s done. It’s gone. You missed it. What the hell, why weren’t you paying attention for the day.
And now, we go back in time to an era of peak crime and the year of Three Mile Island, Voyager I and Jupiter’s rings, space shuttle orbiter Columbia, and the Iran hostage crisis; also the year of “Alien.” Coincidence? Probably.
I have exactly less than no idea how to talk about this movie without giving away its dark, disgusting, hilarious secrets.
Waiter, Joe Begos got his splatter horror film in this examination of the artist’s enduring creative struggle. Not complaining! They’re tasty together.
No Welsh? No problem!
One of the best films of the year also has the most out-of-left-field gag about gummy bears of the year. Not that there’s much competition, but if there was…
Remember when Amazon kinda sorta almost ruined this film by putting a pirated version up for sale on their site? And no, I am not bringing this up for any specific reason, no sir.
There are worse reasons to make a movie than to get two very lovely actresses to kiss all over your face, even when one is terribly age inappropriate and the other is your spouse. Ah, the French.
Disclosure: Ms. Purple is not a hidden character from “Reservoir Dogs.” Figured you should hear that up front to spare yourself the disappointment.
I’m not the kind of guy who speaks ill of the dead, but that doesn’t mean I’m crazy about films made in their honor, either.
Annnnnd months later I still couldn’t tell you exactly what turtles have to do with this movie. Still good, though!
The odd case where I feel like I am, by own disappointment, disappointing the people whose art I’m critiquing.
What do you do when the tide creeps in and washes away your sand castle? Make another one. Then make an album with your sibling about growing up on the Isle of Man.
Instead of gazing at one’s shoes, one should gaze at their personal past. That’s a way better source of songwriting inspiration.
A movie about the most vengeful bird of all! Also, genocide and sexual violence.
Horror is the style right now, and if you’re trying to get into it but don’t know what kind of horror you like, here’s a movie for you.
She’s home! Annabelle, she’s home! That’s…that’s really not good, whose home did she come to? Yours? Mine? Hopefully yours. Sorry, I want to live.
It’s a deer! On a beach! Only in Michigan, I’m telling you.
A movie about zombies by one of the coolest filmmakers out there, starring a ton of people I like, should be a slam dunk, but then…what if it isn’t?
I don’t know what I can say about this record that I don’t already say in the kicker to my review, but gosh I guess I’ll try.