“Robert Eggers Is Ready to Do Worse Than The Lighthouse”

Note: “Worse” as in “worse for the people who make movies with him,” because “The Lighthouse” owns very, very hard. Continue reading →

“Great Movie Moments in Farting History”

Let me tell you: I had a real gas writing this piece. I trumpeted my enthusiasm the whole time I worked on it, no ifs, ands, or…buts. I can do this all day, by the way. Continue reading →

Review: Love, Antosha, 2019, dir. Garret Price

I’m not the kind of guy who speaks ill of the dead, but that doesn’t mean I’m crazy about films made in their honor, either. Continue reading →

Review: Aquaman, 2018, dir. James Wan

Preamble: Man, the DCEU movies are fucking bad. (Excepting Wonder Woman, which is good until it’s bad.) …okay, got that out of the way. Aquaman kinda rocks. Like Wonder Woman, Aquaman cradles its share of flaws and bad creative decisions, most of them involving the totally great Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, who deserves to be a big huge movie star and … Continue reading →

Paste Magazine’s 20 Best Movie Performances of 2017

I’m a Daniel Day-Lewis partisan, I guess, because I can’t accept the idea that any actor in any movie in 2017 performs better than he does in Phantom Thread, but I can’t complain about Saoirse Ronan taking the top spot for her work in Lady Bird.  …oh, right, sorry, forgot to start this off by saying that … Continue reading →

Review: John Carter, 2012, dir. Andrew Stanton

Watching Andrew Stanton’s adaptation of Edgar Rice Burroughs’ seminal science fiction pulp novel, A Princess of Mars— here blandly labeled John Carter— is equivalent to a genre-fueled out of body experience. You’ve seen this film before. You’ve seen it in Star Wars (both the original trilogy and the prequel films), you’ve seen it in Avatar, … Continue reading →

Movies That Matter: The Boondock Saints

There shouldn’t be any lead-in toward my feelings on this movie, so I’ll just say it: I absolutely loathe The Boondock Saints. Like, really, really hate it. It is not by any stretch of the means the worst or most incompetent movie that I’ve seen, but without a doubt one of the vilest and most … Continue reading →

Review: Daybreakers, 2010, dir. Michael and Peter Spierig

2003 brought us the campy Australian horror comedy, Undead, a refreshing take on the zombie genre courtesy of Michael and Peter Spierig. The film’s low budget and B-movie sensibilities lent it a certain scrappy charm; combined with the interesting perspective the siblings brought to the story, Undead became something of a cult favorite. All of … Continue reading →

Review: Antichrist, 2009, dir. Lars von Trier

Antichrist represents the sort of film that can’t simply be written off using monosyllabic soundbites to indicate its quality; “good” and “bad” don’t really come into the discussion. Rather, Antichrist is challenging; controversial director Lars von Trier has made a film that forces us to confront our grieving processes and ask ourselves deeply personal and … Continue reading →