I dare ya, take your best shot, just TRY and oh man yup that’s scary, nevermind
I have an old anecdote about Wil Wheaton that has stuck with me for over a decade, buckle up.
Hoooooo boy I did not like this bullshit at all.
A slasher, but a slasher about *America*.
Y’know, a zombie invasion at this point in the year would just be par for the course, and also maybe preferable to reality.
It’s more of a bite than a kiss, but when the end result is you become a bloodsucking fiend, who’s keeping count?
Insert “in Soviet Russia” joke here.
I was surprised to learn how many movies exist with a variation on this title. It’s…more than one.
Look, don’t get all mad at me, it’s literally true.
Horror is so elevated that I’m not sure how anyone can lift it any higher without taking it through the ozone layer and sucking all the life out of the genre.
I think Peter Steele said it best when he sang “Everything Dies.”
Not THAT “The Beach House.” This one was made for Shudder, not for Hallmark.
Not a Magic: The Gathering reference or a Nine Inch Nails reference, and mercifully not even a reference to 1980s kids-versus-the-monsters movies.
The Bride rejects Frankenstein while a bunch of evil dead take a few wrong turns on a Ouija board. It’s a hell-raising VHS nightmare.
But who is “we,” and why are we-they summoning any darkness at all? That’s the question.
Hey, I’m just as shocked as you are that they went with my suggested headline, but life’s just full of surprises.
When Will Forte is the bad guy in a horror movie, you know he’s going to play that bad guy to the stupidest hilt possible. And he’ll also be great.
Spoiler alert: Don’t actually come to daddy, he’s going to try to kill you with a meat cleaver. It’s not his fault; he’s very, very drunk, and he’s also Stephen McHattie. (Or IS HE?!)
If John Carpenter ever sees this movie, he will have to watch it through the tears in his eyes.
So far, when it comes to Joe Begos and the movies that Joe Begos makes, I’m 2 for 4; I like Bliss, I like VFW (though I like it less than Bliss), and I remember liking Almost Human, but it’s been almost a decade so I might need to revisit. I also never saw Mind’s Eye. Sorry Joe! There’s …