Not a Magic: The Gathering reference or a Nine Inch Nails reference, and mercifully not even a reference to 1980s kids-versus-the-monsters movies.
The Bride rejects Frankenstein while a bunch of evil dead take a few wrong turns on a Ouija board. It’s a hell-raising VHS nightmare.
But who is “we,” and why are we-they summoning any darkness at all? That’s the question.
Hey, I’m just as shocked as you are that they went with my suggested headline, but life’s just full of surprises.
When Will Forte is the bad guy in a horror movie, you know he’s going to play that bad guy to the stupidest hilt possible. And he’ll also be great.
Spoiler alert: Don’t actually come to daddy, he’s going to try to kill you with a meat cleaver. It’s not his fault; he’s very, very drunk, and he’s also Stephen McHattie. (Or IS HE?!)
If John Carpenter ever sees this movie, he will have to watch it through the tears in his eyes.
So far, when it comes to Joe Begos and the movies that Joe Begos makes, I’m 2 for 4; I like Bliss, I like VFW (though I like it less than Bliss), and I remember liking Almost Human, but it’s been almost a decade so I might need to revisit. I also never saw Mind’s Eye. Sorry Joe! There’s …
Happy Valentine’s Day, go watch a monster movie.
Watch yourself watching yourself while you’re living with yourself in a hole in the ground and ah hell, I give up.
You really, genuinely, legitimately cannot get rid of the Babadook, not as long as SNL and “The Magicians” keep making jokes about it.
“Go do that voodoo that you do,” says the spoiled white girl to the mambo, foolishly throwing cash at something she doesn’t and never will understand.
Unspeakable horror! Mutant nightmares! Eldritch evil! Alexandrian witchcraft! Nicolas Cage gleefully picking tomatoes and peaches off of the vine!
Andy had hopes for this movie, but it turns out it’s so not-a good.
One of the best horror movies all time. One of the best horror movies of 2019. One attempt at tying them both together.
Or IS he? He isn’t. But he IS! Or is he? Buokay, okay, fine, I’ll stop, because whether Daniel is real or not (he is), this movie is very, very real.
Andy dips his toes into the world of sex work, and also books, the former a subject of new, genuine interest, the latter a constant struggle in time management, which is kinda funny because…Andy is a writer.
The decade ain’t over ’til the ball drops, but eh, close enough in Internet years; let’s all get the pants scared off our persons.
New England is indeed a peculiar place, but your place would be peculiar, too, if it was built on some of the oldest bones buried in this country we call the United States of the Americas.
Note: “Worse” as in “worse for the people who make movies with him,” because “The Lighthouse” owns very, very hard.