I feel a tad weird going to bat for a big, dumb, early summer season blockbuster where The Rock is friends with a gorilla, and the gorilla mutates and supersizes after encountering Evil Science™ produced by Evil Corporate Scumbags™, and then The Rock and the gorilla fight a bat-wolf and a dino crocodile (which is … Continue reading
xXx: Return of Xander Cage is an incredibly stupid movie, but it’s an incredibly stupid movie that proves the value of incredibly stupid movies. You will not “turn off your brain” while watching it so much as your brain will forcibly shut down to avoid shaving off any of your precious IQ points; at … Continue reading
I didn’t like The Legend of Tarzan, the first of two movies on David Yates’ slate in 2016. I also didn’t like Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, his second movie, but I liked it much more even if its failures left me feeling aggrieved more than Tarzan‘s did; it’s perhaps the 2016 franchise film that is … Continue reading
I sure have written a lot of words about WB’s The Legend of Tarzan considering how much I hate it. But then, maybe “hate” is a strong word. Maybe it’s the wrong word. The Legend of Tarzan isn’t a good movie by any stretch of the means, but I think I have to classify my response to it as … Continue reading
We always knew they’d be back indeed. We just didn’t know that they would be back in a movie this astoundingly bad. Look, I put down over twelve hundred words in digital ink to tear this stupid fucking thing a new one; I’ve earned my keep. I don’t have to preamble. The article I wrote … Continue reading
“‘Old, not obsolete.’ These three words are repeated often throughout Terminator Genisys, Alan Taylor’s contribution to the iconic ’80s/’90s action series, and they apply perfectly to the film’s biggest name: Arnold Schwarzenegger himself, reprising his role as an unstoppable cyborg for the umpteenth time in the Terminator saga’s lifespan. If any production in the latter … Continue reading
Peter Berg’s latest offering is irredeemably terrible. Continue reading
For fans of FX spectacles, monster mashes, Roman mythology, and the God of War video game series, you’re in luck– the sequel to 2010’s Clash of the Titans remake hits theaters today. While I don’t think it’s a total loss, I found Wrath of the Titans to be lacking in a firm direction, never really fitting into a … Continue reading
Watching Andrew Stanton’s adaptation of Edgar Rice Burroughs’ seminal science fiction pulp novel, A Princess of Mars— here blandly labeled John Carter— is equivalent to a genre-fueled out of body experience. You’ve seen this film before. You’ve seen it in Star Wars (both the original trilogy and the prequel films), you’ve seen it in Avatar, … Continue reading
It’s amazing that in a single year we saw the release of four alien invasion films, and of that quartet only one turned out to be any good. How do three different directors miss the mark making variations on the same type of movie? Being kind, Super 8 only falls off the rails in its last … Continue reading
There’s really no way around the blatant awfulness and stupidity of Tron Legacy. Apologists may fashion an array of defenses to shield it from criticism, which is fine and all except that this kind of picture is indefensible. From all angles, it’s a mess; it’s bloated but explains far too little, it’s an action spectacle … Continue reading
A Constant Visual Feast 