Let me tell you: I had a real gas writing this piece. I trumpeted my enthusiasm the whole time I worked on it, no ifs, ands, or…buts. I can do this all day, by the way.
The day shall come! In fact, it already came! It’s done. It’s gone. You missed it. What the hell, why weren’t you paying attention for the day.
And now, we go back in time to an era of peak crime and the year of Three Mile Island, Voyager I and Jupiter’s rings, space shuttle orbiter Columbia, and the Iran hostage crisis; also the year of “Alien.” Coincidence? Probably.
I have exactly less than no idea how to talk about this movie without giving away its dark, disgusting, hilarious secrets.
A movie where a woman does a series of cartwheels in one scene, then smash cuts to her landing on a guy’s crotch in a totally different scene. Also a movie about Silvio Berlusconi. Now THAT’S Italian!
Darin’, you don’t need to give up on booksmarts if you want to be a hustler. You just have to remember that satanic panic is always in season.
Waiter, Joe Begos got his splatter horror film in this examination of the artist’s enduring creative struggle. Not complaining! They’re tasty together.
Ah, yes, “Ad Astra,” also known as “Brad’s Sad Dad Astra.” I thought this movie would be a Bad Astra. But it’s a Rad Astra! And I’m so Glad Astra.
Nervous about talking to filmmakers whose last movie left you kind of cold? No problem, especially when their new one is pretty rad!
One of the best films of the year also has the most out-of-left-field gag about gummy bears of the year. Not that there’s much competition, but if there was…
Remember when Amazon kinda sorta almost ruined this film by putting a pirated version up for sale on their site? And no, I am not bringing this up for any specific reason, no sir.
There’s about a 99% chance that tigers wrote the title for this film, but I’m not going to be the one to call them on it.
There are worse reasons to make a movie than to get two very lovely actresses to kiss all over your face, even when one is terribly age inappropriate and the other is your spouse. Ah, the French.
Disclosure: Ms. Purple is not a hidden character from “Reservoir Dogs.” Figured you should hear that up front to spare yourself the disappointment.
I’m not the kind of guy who speaks ill of the dead, but that doesn’t mean I’m crazy about films made in their honor, either.
Annnnnd months later I still couldn’t tell you exactly what turtles have to do with this movie. Still good, though!
I nearly wrote my fingers to death typing the title of this movie for this article, so I damn well expect your clicks in exchange for my writerly suffering.
Lying about your grandma’s mortality seems like a bad idea, except when the bad idea ends up forming the basis of a really good movie.
A movie about the most vengeful bird of all! Also, genocide and sexual violence.
She’s home! Annabelle, she’s home! That’s…that’s really not good, whose home did she come to? Yours? Mine? Hopefully yours. Sorry, I want to live.